im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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