You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize