How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
