You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
