I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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