New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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