fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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