doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
