I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
