so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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