So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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