my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
