i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize