and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
