I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
