sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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