So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
