the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
