i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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