Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
