He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
