You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
