remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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