I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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