The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize