Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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