she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
