my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
