quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
