You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
