wanna go halves on a baby?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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