Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
