Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
