Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are all done wearing pants today
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
