we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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