why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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