TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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