She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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