When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
