I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize