you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
