Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
