sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
