She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
