I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Panties = found
Randomize
