ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
