Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
