And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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