I heard we made out
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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