Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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