Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
