Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
