I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
