Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
