Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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