her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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