Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The adults are the big ones right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
