he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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