"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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