eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
