yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
