you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
