I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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