At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
