So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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