please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize