sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
