one two three fourrrrnication!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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