How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
