He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
