I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
