I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
