Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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