mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
